Your mouth is God's brothel.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
