I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
