im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
