My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
