I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
