At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
