She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
