Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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