apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
