Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
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