But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
