I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
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I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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