I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
