If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
