If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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