woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
