He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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