In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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