A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
should my penis look like a turkey
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
