What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
