I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I want to fling myself into the sun
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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