i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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