I showed him my bush... on skype.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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