I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
