my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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