What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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