I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So many bounce houses so little time
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
