I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
