He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
