yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
