You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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