Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
