dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
