I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
