Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
