in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
