Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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