Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize