out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
