I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Randomize
