He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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