conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
