i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
