umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
