WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
