she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
