If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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