Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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