So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
