I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The ass gains better be worth it
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