Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
