Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize