I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
