im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
