...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
