I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it's like iHOP with fire
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
