I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
