Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
