I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
