I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize