I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am available for nakedness
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
