I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
