Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Buhtt sex?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
