I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
