Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
