Pregnant stripper...not hot.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Who died my cat blue again?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
