and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
