just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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