You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
